I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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