Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
