Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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