but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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