with your own penis?
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
