I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
