I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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