This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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