We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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