I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
