Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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