you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
