Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
