Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have demons in me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize