My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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