plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
