His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
