Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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