I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
