You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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