I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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