It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
