Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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