I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Four minutes until I can fart!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
