I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
