ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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