Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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