I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
