chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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