your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
