so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
