youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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