note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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