Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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