I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She announced her abortion via fbk
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
