there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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