I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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