Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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