Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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