Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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