I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
