I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
