conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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