Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
