What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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