He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
