did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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