Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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