I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
