I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
