He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
