final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
