You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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