AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the day after is always just damage control
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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