Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
