oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
