Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
