The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
