i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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