i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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