Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
