That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
