Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
