The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
