i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
