I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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