His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
how drunk are you?
Several
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
