Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
