so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
