Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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