I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
