Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't turn off my feet"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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