Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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