So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
