Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
