I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
