I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
