I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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