i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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